Human attachment is amazing. Our hearts send out tendrils of connection to anything moves us, be that other people, animals, objects, even fictional characters.
I am surprised to be this sad about Clara’s death. I shouldn’t be. I understand how we attach, how it works and why. Doctor Who fits in my mind and heart as if it was grown there. Losing Clara evokes the sadness of a real death. Not of a close friend or family member, but the sadness of someone I knew and enjoyed, who brought laughter and fun into my life. Intellectually, this makes sense to me. After all, what is being a fan all about if you don’t love the characters of your show? Still, I am surprised at how often she has come to mind since Saturday.
This is also my first “real life” Doctor Who loss, which undoubtedly impacts the experience. When I’ve binged on past episodes, when I know what is coming and when someone will leave, there is another episode to watch and a way to move forward immediately. But today, I don’t have that. We don’t have that. Obviously there are people who do know what is going to happen, but we don’t. While we only have to wait a week, today there is no next episode to launch into for distraction and comfort. There is just a beautifully graffitied TARDIS and each other.
I will undoubtedly write about Clara’s character in the future, but not today.
Today, I’ll just share my sadness with you other crazy fools who understand.